Šale - God as Computer Programmer Bassman - Pon 05 Feb, 2007 14:38 Naslov sporočila: God as Computer Programmer
Some Important Theological Questions are Answered if we think of God as a
Computer Programmer.
Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life?
A: He could, if he used the debugger, but it's tedious to step through
all those variables.
Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?
A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier revs.
Q: Does God know everything?
A: He likes to think so, but he is often amazed to find out what goes
on in the overnite job.
Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?
A: If an critical error occurs, the system pages him automatically and
he logs on from home to try to bring it up. Otherwise things can
wait until tomorrow.
Q: Did God really create the world in seven days?
A: He did it in six days and nights while living on cola and candy
bars. On the seventh day he went home and found out his girlfriend
had left him.
Q: How come the Age of Miracles Ended?
A: That was the development phase of the project, now we are in the
maintenance phase.
Q: Will there be another Universe after the Big Bang?
A: A lot of people are drawing things on the white board, but
personally, God doubts that it will ever be implemented.
Q: Who is Satan?
A: Satan is an MIS director who takes credit for more powers than he
actually possesses, so people who aren't programmers are scared of
him. God thinks of him as irritating but irrelevant.
Q: What is the role of sinners?
A: Sinners are the people who find new an imaginative ways to mess up
the system when God has made it idiot-proof.
Q: Where will I go after I die?
A: Onto a DAT tape.
Q: Will I be reincarnated?
A: Not unless there is a special need to recreate you. And searching
those .tar files is a major hassle, so if there is a request for you,
God will just say that the tape has been lost.
Q: Am I unique and special in the universe?
A: There are over 10,000 major university and corporate sites running
exact duplicates of you in the present release version.
Q: What is the purpose of the universe?
A: God created it because he values elegance and simplicity, but then
the users and managers demanded he tack all this senseless stuff onto
it and now everything is more complicated and expensive than ever.
Q: If I pray to God, will he listen?
A: You can waste his time telling him what to do, or you can just get
off his back and let him program.
Q: What is the one true religion?
A: All systems have their advantages and disadvantages, so just pick
the one that best suits your needs and don't let anyone put you down.
Q: Is God angry that we crucified him?
A: Let's just say he's not going to any more meetings if he can help
it, because that last one with the twelve managers and the food
turned out to be murder.
Q: How can I protect myself from evil?
A: Change your password every month and don't make it a name, a common
word, or a date like your birthday.
Q: Some people claim they hear the voice of God. Is this true?
A: They are much more likely to receive email.
Q: Some people say God is Love.
A: That is not a question. Please restate your query in the form of a
question.
Abort, Retry, Fail? little pumpkin - Pon 05 Feb, 2007 23:50 Naslov sporočila:
Kaj pa če bi prevedu? Bassman - Tor 06 Feb, 2007 00:01 Naslov sporočila:
je preveč tega za prevest.
predlagam, da uporabiš Prevajalcalittle pumpkin - Tor 06 Feb, 2007 09:57 Naslov sporočila:
Jah, full ja, je tudi bolj len Bassman - Tor 06 Feb, 2007 10:10 Naslov sporočila:
little pumpkin @ Tor 06 Feb, 2007 8:57 am Napisal/a:
Jah, full ja, je tudi bolj len
Lahko pa ti prevedeš, ne bo nihče jezen! Bassman - Pon 12 Feb, 2007 14:18 Naslov sporočila:
Pobožen američan se sprehaja po obali kalifornije, long beach,
prekrasno vreme, ko ga nenadoma prime in se naglas zadere "Bog, če me
slišiš, samo eno željo v svojem življenju imam, prosim daj mi jo izpolni!"
Nenadoma se stemni prikaže se bog iz oblakov in mu reče "Vidim
vidim, da je tvoja duša čista da hodiš brez greha po svetu, povej kaj si
želiš"
in mu pove "Rad bi da zgradiš most do Hawajev da se bom lahk čez vikend
kar z avtom zapeljal tja"
Bog nekaj časa študira nato pa odgovori "Veš, tvoja želja je zelo
materialistična, ni v slogu duhovnega... potem, tak projekt zahteva
ogromno jekla betona, kot najbrž veš je ocean ponekod globok tudi 5 km, da
sem ustvarjenim živalim v globini oceana obljubil mir pred človekom.
človek dejansko ni sposoben ustvariti kaj takega, jaz sem, vendar nisem
prepričan da te bodo materialne dobrine osrečile .. daj vzami si
čas in me prosi rajši za kaj drugega, morda kaj bolj duhovnega!"
Moški nekaj časa razmišlja kaj bi vprašal, nato pa končno izjavi "Bog, rad
bi razumel ženske. Rad bi vedel kako čutijo v svojem srcu, zakaj
jokajo, kaj točno mislijo s tem, ko po vprašanju ne odgovorijo ničesar,
zakaj se razžalostijo brez razloga, kdaj so resnično srečne in s čim jo
lahko osrečim, s čim ne..."
Bog se prime za glavo in odgovori: "Kakšne luči pa bi rad imel na mostu?" tita - Pet 16 Feb, 2007 15:15 Naslov sporočila: nas ni za razumet
nas ni za razumet